“Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?… if I rise on the wings of dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea even there your hand will guide me, your hand will hold me fast.” Psalm 139: 7-10
My guess would be there have been times you questioned where was God. On this earth, which is sinful and full of evil because it is run by Satan, we can become filled with anxiety even if we have not endured significant trauma.
However, if you have endured trauma, that anxiety can be even worse. I can remember numerous nights over the years where I clutched the pillow next to me in bed and cried out to God asking where He was.
My heart would be racing and I felt like I would forever be in darkness. It used to occur a lot at night and I felt incredibly alone. I constantly filled my head with, “what if…, when will…, and how…” questions as I peered into the future wondering if things would ever be different.
I could not see the path ahead and that made me fearful on top of my body being in overdrive with anxiety because of the trauma that had not been processed. My amygdala was working overtime. Especially in the middle of the night, I felt alone and scared. Fear seemed to envelop my entire body and I would just cry and cry asking God where He was.
I wish I could tell you my anxiety is completely gone, but because I’m human, and because I haven’t processed all my trauma, it’s not. But it is 1000 times better than it used to be, and I’ve also learned to fill my mind with the truth to fight the fear and anxiety.
For example when peering into the future, if I become anxious, it’s because I’m looking at the future without God and that’s not truth because God is walking with me in the future.
When I decided to followed Jesus, God promised to not leave me. Even when we don’t want to recognize that God is with us, He is always with us. He is not hanging out in the sky peering down at us. He is right here among us. We have that truth in that presence because Jesus came to earth to walk with us so that we have a way to be with God always.
When we accept Jesus, and the fact that He died for each of us. When we admit that we are a sinner, and need to be saved by God’s grace through His son Jesus. Jesus who died for every evil thing we’ve done -even if it seems incredibly small to us.
When we admit we need Him and confess the things we’ve done that we should not have done, and believe that Jesus not only died, but then rose from the dead so that we can have life forever and ever. THIS is the hope beyond hope. We are then sons and daughters of God, and will never be alone.
Even if our feelings are lying to us and we feel alone we are not alone. As Psalm 139 says, “Where can I go from your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence?” The answer? Is nowhere. God is always with us and if we trust Him, He will lead us and guide us, and bring us out of the darkness.
So, if you’re in a place today, where you are overwhelmed with anxiety and fear, go to God’s word and fill your mind with the truth. Stop scrolling the doomsday news and social media and go to the word of God. (I’m talking to myself as well. 😊)
Continue to seek your therapy to heal from your trauma, and know that one day you will look back and see how God has brought you through. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. God wants you to be whole and holy, and He will guide you if you trust Him. I’m hanging onto this today and I pray that you are too.
Blessings my friends and much love. You are not alone.
© 2022 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.