We all experience grief at some point and it could be related to trauma you endured or the loss of something or a loved one. For example, some things I grieve are:
- The loss of any kind of family that I belong to (by blood) – including the fact I never got to have my own.
- The rejection of my family.
- The trauma I endured and how it affected my entire life.
- The loss of innocence.
- The death of those I loved – even if they hurt me.
Recently, because of a death, I am also grieving things others do not understand. When you endure trauma from someone it does not mean that all of them was bad. It does not mean there was not good in the relationship – especially if it was from your family. Your mom and dad and brothers and sisters are the only parents and siblings you will have even if they possibly caused you trauma.
We are all made in God’s image so we have the ability to do good, but the free will to do evil.
- Maybe you were coached in a sport by the abuser and that time was enjoyable and good.
- Maybe they made you pancakes or popcorn and you enjoyed those times and those things.
- Maybe there was trip that was memorable.
- Maybe they fixed your car or taught you how to fill it with wiper fluid.
Those are all good things that happen that you now grieve.
There’s also grief for what will never be.
- Admission of wrong
- Forgiveness to be given after the admission
- Reconciliation and the relationship you always wanted.
Don’t let others dictate how you grieve or how long it takes. Greif is a process with many stages including: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, (depression). Any kind of loss can result in grief.
Just because they don’t understand why you are grieving does not mean it’s not there for you to grieve or that you need to explain. If you don’t deal with the grief now it will show up later in your body. (As illness or stress or pain etc.) – Trust me it will.
I get emotional pain – it hurts deeper than even the kidney stones I’ve had in the past. Emotional pain is what grief is and it feels like your heart is breaking literally in two. It is what leads to brain fog after a loss, and the tiredness and struggle to do your day to day things.
My grief right now is a process I must work through to continue to heal and be the person God calls me to be. To be able to share all He has done. It is with His strength I come before Him each day and ask for that strength and for Him to walk with me and allow me to show Him in all I do. That will not happen if I don’t deal with it and allow the anger to fester and the grief to sit in my gut and try to ignore it.
If you do that then one day, it will take you out emotionally and physically. (I’ve been there and done that and I don’t plan to do it again.)
Ways to deal with grief:
- Talk it out with close friends and/or a counselor.
- Talk it out with God – the good, bad and ugly – all of it – He can take your honesty.
- Write out your grief and how you feel – how does it feel in your body and ask God what He wants you to do with it. How does He want to help you heal?
- Scream into a pillow
- Allow the anger – but recognize what underlying emotion is causing it and begin to deal with it.
- Journal, journal and journal all of your thoughts and feelings – even if they don’t make sense. (I like to dictate in Word on my iphone because my thoughts are faster than my fingers many times.)
I know you have grief from something in your life – whether from your trauma or other losses. I pray that you have found a great therapist to walk with you through it, and that you are also depending on the One True Counselor – Jesus to hold you up and give you strength.
© 2022 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.