Medication and Trauma

This post is purely my experience and opinion and not advice. Please discuss what is best for you with the trusted professionals you see. (And lift up in prayer what God would have you do.)

I was just looking back at records I kept of all the medications I took. They changed so often early on I would have to list and relist them by date. I have an entire 8 ½ x 11 inch page filled single spaced, 8 point font, with meds that didn’t work. Which still is not all I took or tried.

I spent so many years in a medication fog I couldn’t live life, focus, or drive without accident. Yet I didn’t know I was in such a fog until I got off of most of them. It was only through the direction of my therapist pointing out what certain drugs kept me from being able to access I began to wean off.

Now, as I look back over the 10 years I was heavily medicated I have a pain in my chest. My heart aches for the time lost. The time that was the prime of my life. My 30’s. The time I should have been getting married and having kids. All of it gone and what do I have to show for it?

It saddens me so much to know that I trusted the doctor I was seeing, yet he didn’t encourage me to seek getting better in therapy. He medicated and often discouraged me from doing things in therapy. I should have seen he was not a good fit, but I trusted medical professionals.

I see now they are just human like you and me. They may not really know what their decisions cost us. I don’t fully blame him as I was a willing participant. I am not his victim. I made the choice to take the meds and follow his advice. I was not advocating for myself. Part of me didn’t think I deserved to advocate for little, old, me.

Now I see that advocating for ourselves is a really good thing. Having notes typed out to take the doctor, doing my own research before considering any medications or tests. Praying about the next steps and what my doctor is suggesting. Hmmm, never did that before the past couple of years. God is interested in all of us, not just parts!

I’m at a point where I need to change my depression medication because they are affecting my bones, causing insomnia, and possibly causing blood sugar issues. As I do I am considering all these things I never did before. I am also placing it in God’s hands. He will help me make the right decisions.

As you consider whether to take medications look up information about all of them, and don’t feel bad for taking something. Sometimes we need a boost to help the chemicals in our brains. However, know the side effects that can occur now and long term side effects. (Like osteoporosis, diabetes etc.) Advocate for yourself, and trust God to lead you in the right direction.

I love this saying…

Hang in there my friends and keep taking great steps toward healing!

© 2020 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.