I feel like God doesn’t love me. Why would He love me of all people? Why would He want to help me get better? Why would a God who created all of heaven and earth want to concern Himself with little, old me? When there are people dying of all kinds of horrible diseases, being tortured for their belief in Him, starving for food, in much worse shape than me.
Why would God love me?
Have you asked yourself that question? It is where I find myself today. It is incredibly hard for us to take in love after experiencing sexual assault. We don’t feel worthy of love. Instead we were used. Often I feel like a piece of trash. Something someone unwrapped and used, then threw away because I wasn’t worth keeping. Sound familiar?
The struggle I find myself in today and that you might find yourself in is a battle that belongs to God. Why? Because it is Satan telling us we are nothing and that God doesn’t love us. Lies. All of them. We must call them out in the name of Jesus.
So, today, Jesus, I call on You to step on Satan and kill his lies. Wash over me with Your truth and bring me to an understanding of Your love.
What is the truth we need to take in? God is a God of love. We did nothing to deserve it, but He loves us anyway. Nothing we do or don’t do will ever change God’s love for us. Ever.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16
Probably the first Bible verse I ever learned was John 3:16, but the words never really came alive for me until recently. For God so loved (put your name in) that he gave his one and only son, that if you believe in him you will not perish but have eternal life.
If I was the only person on earth God would have done the same thing. If you were the only person God would have still died for you. God loves us that much!
So, God loves me. I still struggle to take it in. Then there’s the question, “So do I love Him?” Because I still don’t quite understand love. God knows this more than any person. He knows our hearts. He knows we want to love Him and that in time He’ll bring us to an understanding of it.
Which is where Romans 8:28 comes in. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” God is going to bring about good from the brokenness of our lives right now. He promises He will. He despises that we were sexually assaulted, but He will turn it around and use it for good and for His glory.
I told myself when I started this blog that if only one person was encouraged that would be enough right there to know I did what God wanted and for Him to have the glory from the horrible trauma in my life. Over two years later He is still turning ashes into beauty. I still question when it will all end and when complete healing will come, but I’m slowing learning to trust Him.
I’m more confident that He loves me. After writing what God laid on my heart it’s hard to not believe God is in this working out all things for the good. It’s when I start to doubt and let Satan in that things get turned around. So, hold on to God and His truth. He loves you always and forever! Hang on, keep praying, learning to trust, and always remember you are never alone.
© 2019 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.
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