God and Sexual Assault

The Penny Prayer

5 pennies

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5b NIV

I got the idea from a book. Five pennies. A prayer. Wait.

I wasn’t sure I had been hearing from God. I didn’t know if He was there for me, listening. If everything was going to be alright. God was either being incredibly silent, or I was quite dense.

The past ten years have been a nightmare. First, physical ailments and tests revealing nothing was wrong. Then, the realization and memories returning of my sexual abuse and assaults. Real nightmares at night. Flashbacks during the day.

Major depression, anxiety, PTSD, hospital stays, suicide attempts, friends and people deserting me. Disability and the loss of my dream job, trust, and hope…vanished.

Ten years later I am still in recovery and as I read how the lady in this book asked for God’s help I decided to test it out in my own life. I know we shouldn’t “test” God, but I was on the fraying edges of my rope. I needed something to cling to.

To bring me back to the realization our God can and will do all things. Will He? I didn’t know.

I tore off a Post-it note and wrote, “God if you’re hearing me, you love me, will answer me, and everything will work out, show me a penny M-F this week. 4-8-18 Susan.”

The same day in the morning a realization struck me. What if God had already given me the five pennies? What if they were already in my purse? Five pennies and not a penny more.

I grabbed my purse and the change inside. I quickly dumped it onto the carpet and grabbed each penny I saw. Three. Only three. No. God was not answering my prayer.

Walking around the house I kept my head down looking for a penny. Going to the mailbox I studied the ground as if I’d never seen it before. Putting my hands in my pockets I felt for a penny. Nothing.

Tuesday, I had not lost hope. I believed God had given me three pennies. He only had to provide two more. Going into Wal-Mart I again had my head down. Walking through Wal-Mart I kept watch as well.

No pennies.

By the time I was checking myself out I had all but lost hope. I was crazy to think God would really give me five pennies to answer my prayer.

I was supposed to believe by faith He would do these things. I shouldn’t be asking for proof. He must think I’m a fool. He doesn’t care about five tiny pennies and my simple prayer.

As I finished checking out I was on auto pilot. I had scanned all my items and bagged them. I slid my cash into the slot and awaited my change. I didn’t even pay attention to the total.

Then I saw them. Ching. Ching.

Two pennies in the change slot. Nothing else. Just two pennies.

The two pennies I needed to make five. God answered my prayer. He was telling me, “Yes, Susan I hear you, I love you, I am answering you, and everything will work out. God.”

But we don’t have to do a penny test to know this about God. It’s right in His word. God’s love, His answer, and everything will work out. Maybe not the way we exactly want it to work out, but for our good.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5b NIV

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 NIV

For God so loved, that He will never leave, and He will work all together for our good.

Not always easy to believe, I know, but His promises are written for all to see. I’m willing to work on the trust. I know mine is strengthening. How about you?

Father God,

Trust is not something I have had great experiences with in my life. I need You to show me I can trust in You and believe Your word and the promises it holds. Help me continue to trust in You and thank you for never leaving me.


What can you do?

Write about what happened to you, how did it affect your ability to trust?

You can write and journal in Restoring the Soul Journal: For Encouragement and Hope found on Amazon.com. 

restoring the soul book cover

© 2018 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.





2 comments on “The Penny Prayer

  1. Love love the story about your pennies !

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