If you’re reading my blog about encouragement my guess is you’re feeling the frustration of this world and all the hurt it brings. If you’ve read much of my writing you also know I’m pretty real, raw, and honest and today’s blog is no exception. However, it does come with truth and I know from others sharing with me that this is a needed message. I have a challenge for you so I ask that you stick with it even though it may be uncomfortable to read.

(I’ll also clarify up front I am not talking about Christians not supporting you in sin, but when you are following God’s truth.)

Throughout my life many have failed me, and I have failed many people as well. Unfortunately, when you endure significant trauma from your family of origin it really messes up your sense of identity. I have to daily (sometimes minute by minute) remind myself nothing and nobody has the right to say who I am but the one who is the I AM.

This has been difficult even more as I’ve fought to get my life back and create new relationships. Yet, what I have found is Christians seem to be the last ones to be supportive or encouraging. Which is frustrating and something we in the Gospel Believing Christian community should explore more….however for today I’ll give some examples and I have a challenge just for you.

Last year, God told me now was the time to expand my training and certifications for my business. Despite being in a whole new financial realm, no family to turn to, no one else to rely on for financial help or support, no one to help around the house, and all while battling mold illness, adrenal fatigue and the usual CPTSD I deal with every day. Just one of those is more than most people can handle, and yet I deal with them every single day.

I said, “Okay God, let’s do this.”

Hang with me because I’m not saying I’m all that….because I’m definitely not. I literally almost didn’t survive the past year. There were days that my body almost didn’t get out of bed because literally my legs would hardly move, and no I promise I am not exaggerating. I’m still not sure how I made it other than supernatural strength and power….but when I mentioned to some people who supposedly were my friends and support, they said things like: “Why are you doing that?” “You need to be volunteering more and out of your head, and you’ll feel better.” and other nonsupporting questions and statements.

I even reached out to several friends and asked for prayer entering the fall with my birthday on Thanksgiving, depression was worse, and I was overwhelmed and exhausted. Yet I struggled to reach out because when people don’t contact me, I assume they don’t want to be friends or have a relationship with me. I shared all that with the encouragement of my counselor and I wish I hadn’t.

Many of the responses were not encouraging or what I needed or asked for. I’m not saying I needed these people to fill me. I needed their support and the support I asked for was not provided by some of them.

Some of the people who I thought were in my corner didn’t offer to pray for me or encourage me. It hurt.

People don’t want to feel the hard of someone else.

I know it’s hard, but to truly know others we must feel their hard and we have to do it without invalidating them.

And most Christians don’t do this well. (Sorry, that’s the honest truth.) We expel platitudes of being told not to worry, or Christ is our strength, or this world is not our home, but we don’t truly support.

We don’t want to know what it feels like to be alone. We don’t want to know what it feels like to have it harder than we do. It’s uncomfortable. Some of you don’t even like reading this and if you’ve made it this far – kudos to you. Most probably stopped early on because hearing the truth and the hard is not comfortable.

But the Jesus I know met people there. He didn’t ghost people, and He didn’t give platitudes. The Bible says He was a man of many sorrows.

I know I did this a lot early on before I ended up on the other side of a lot of horrible things and hard life, and I apologize to every single person I did that to – I’m so very sorry.

For those that have done this to me over the past year, and those who showed me they are not willing to really do the hard and love like Jesus and support me, pray for me, and be who they had told me they would. Those that didn’t and never followed up with me– I have released them.

Funny too, because one of the friends who did support me when I reached out encouraged me to do this and though I thought I had, I had not. As I have taken this to God, he agreed with this friend and said, “Release them.” They are no longer right for me in this season because they are drawing me further from Jesus instead of toward Him.

Here’s the thing. Releasing them doesn’t mean I don’t care for them and I don’t still pray for them because I absolutely do.

The whole process was incredibly hard, but so freeing. It hurts and I’ve cried a lot over it because it’s sad people don’t want to support you. It takes me back to the lies I’ve been told since my family doesn’t accept me. That no one wants to accept me. But that is not where my identity lies. My identity is I’m a child of God. Period.

So in relationship with God, I chose to release them to God. Let Him deal with them and move on in the season He has for me. I chose to forgive them for all they did to hurt me and move on.

It won’t happen overnight, and the waiting is hard, but it is freeing to trust God with every single step of life, including those you do life with.

I pray you are able to do this and experience the freedom it brings and I’ll see you back here again next week. I’ll be talking about nourishing your soul, intentional soul care practices. 💜

P.S. Find people who will remind you “Who God Says You Are” .

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