“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6
You know when you learn to ride a bike for the first time someone usually holds onto the back until you are steady? Well, not me. I was determined to ride my bike by myself, and as soon as possible. So, I kept at it one day right after my brother, who was older, had learned, and soon the same day I was riding by myself too. However, not without scrapes and scratches to show for it.
I wanted to do it on my own terms. I am finding I do the same thing with God. He is telling me “Hold on, I’ve got you.” While I’m taking the wheel and driving away trying to do it on my own. With scrapes and scratches to prove it.
It’s not working.
I need God to have me. Last night I laid awake for hours with great anxiety over useless worries, and things I cannot control. God was there, but I was too stubborn to let go. I tried to let it all go to Him, but I had one hand in His and one hand on the wheel steering it so I could try to feel safe. At least that is what I told myself.
Safety is a relative term. Especially if you’re a survivor of sexual assault. We tend to not feel safe in many situations. At least not while we’re in the process of healing, or still experiencing memories of trauma.
However, God longs for us to let everything go to Him. He is our safety net. He is the One in control of everything whether we want to acknowledge it or not. We can try it our way, but His way is what works.
Carrie Underwood sings it well in her song, “Jesus Take the Wheel”.
“Jesus take the Wheel
Take it from my hands
‘cause I can’t do this on my own
I’m letting go
So give me one more chance
And save me from this road I’m on
Jesus take the wheel.”**
The road we are on as survivors is a long, scary, road which we don’t want to travel. Yet, in this life there are always going to be roads we don’t want to travel. God uses these roads to help us grow in Him and learn to trust Him more.
He’s telling me He wants me to give it all up to Him. My insecurities about how long this trauma work is really going to take before my life moves into some semblance of normal. My dreams of the future…a husband. My crazy worries over weird scenarios I create in my head of all the things which could go wrong and never do.
My life. He wants ALL of it. He wants the keys to the car, not just the seat or the wheel. He wants it all. Especially the part I’ve been trying to occupy for some time.
I really want to give it to Him, but it scares me. You would think I would know better. He is God! Why would I think I could do better than He can…but my past dictates my actions. If I can be abused and assaulted for so many years and have my life turned upside down to deal with it, then this is what makes me question if God knows what’s best.
So I turn to the Truth. His word. The Bible. Two verses stand out to me with two different meanings.
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” I need to trust God knows what He’s doing. Let Him have the wheel.
Trust means “the firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.”* So to trust in God means I believe He will do what He says.
Which brings me to the second verse. Psalm 139:1-4 “You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.”
Who better to trust than a God who knows us completely? He knows everything about us. More than we know ourselves.
It’s time now during our journey as survivors for us to trust God to take not just the wheel, but the keys to the car. Not joining us in the driver’s seat. We need to take a back seat and let Him steer the way.
It does not mean the road will be smooth. All roads have bumps and curves along the way. However, with God in the driver’s seat He will direct our paths straight into His will for our lives.
It will not be easy. I know it will not be easy for me. Right now as I write this I’m thinking, “How can I let it all go?” I know I must try. It’s all God asks. He can take care of the rest.
I have a hard time giving you the keys to my life and trusting you completely. Please help me learn to trust You every moment of every day. There is no way I can walk this road of recovery without You guiding the way. I need You to be in the driver’s seat. Will You please take over for me? Help me trust You God.
**From “Jesus Take the Wheel” by: Brett James, Hillary Lindsey and Gordie Sampson
© 2018 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.
Thanks for the reminder of Prov 3:5-6. I often repeat those verses out loud in the darkness of the night.
I’m glad they comfort you too.